I found sanity somewhere around the end of 2022. I could circle back to why it escaped me in the first place, but after being cured of my marriage I try to look forward, not back.

I started to fish again early in 2023, and found it was an amazing way to grow older- I don’t quite know how else to describe it, but I enjoyed it far more than I ever did years ago. I first started to use a fly rod in 2023 as well, and while I’m still quite terrible at it I’ve really learned to enjoy it as well regardless.

When the weather cooled off, I struggled for a while to find ways to occupy my free time.

I enjoy all things musical- I play the guitar and piano (not well) but I’ve enjoyed them all my life. My primary instrument (if I were to identify with one) would probably be the saxophone, followed by all things woodwind. I don’t do brass. But though I enjoy music, I experienced a relatively gnarly injury in July of 2022 that affected my left hand. I recovered well, but the little finger on that hand, it’s just lost that lovin’ feeling, if you know what I mean. I love the creative process and I’ve toyed around with writing and creating my own music (most often for my own amusement- I don’t really share that often), but the frustration of that injury meant that I needed to find other things beyond that struggle.

I have often kept aquarium fish throughout my life. When my ex and I separated, I had at the time a number of aquariums and fish which I ported over to my new home, which I condensed in to a single aquarium on my nightstand. I particularly enjoy bettas and had bred and shown them a few times decades ago. I have also kept a number of species of killifish. Breeding projects for killifish have been my most recent aquarium passion, and so when the weather cooled that one aquarium multiplied to three. Three became six, and six became eight. Today, sixteen..

Sixteen aquariums, several hundred fish- this is perhaps too many, but then again I have the disease of more, so.. I reached a moment of panic at one point and established a rack setup where nine of those aquariums now sit. Seven remain in my bedroom.

Perhaps at one time or another the novelty will wear off? What then? I did recognize that I had toed the line of responsibility with these aquariums, and so I’ve now established a plan. Baby fish out, seasoned aquariums will be populated, but I need to minimize the number of aquariums in my bedroom because as I record music, the bubbling.. well, the bubbling is unavoidable, much as its dulcet tones are musical in their own way and can lull me to sleep better than.. well, better than other things, I suppose..

Initially, the plan was simply to relocate all these tanks from my bedroom in to my living room- from where I’d continue to work in these ridiculous projects- and live could easily move on . As things started to evolve, though, I cured myself of that idea in much the same way that my ex cured me of our marriage- I completely changed my mind, unreasonable expectations were set right, and when I adjusted my perspective I found a glimpse of happiness in the knowledge that- like life- this will always continue be a work in progress. I’m tidying things up little by little and the aquarium stuff is coming together well, and my plans continue. Even if it’s happening little by little, this new setup with the fish rack and the plan to keep them in the living room is much more practical than the impulsive mess of aquariums sitting on my nightstands and dressers. As things continue to look better and better, there’s a parallel there somewhere that lines up with the healing that continues after my heart was ripped to shreds. If I’ve been able to heal from the kind of crap that I experienced in 2022, undoubtedly I have the strength and energy to keep this aquarium stuff fun.

I’ve been raising several spawns of Bettas, and as beautiful as they are they require a lot of work- and a lot of space. I have a number of empty tanks on hand, and while I got them with the intention of deploying a couple more aquariums- I was wise to hit the brakes. I’ve no plans for now to do much more than work on the baby fish, setting up my four species tanks of killifish and preparing for spawns, and perhaps only getting a second fish rack that I can also use as part of my kitchenette area- it’s not at all a bad bachelor pad. I’ve lived in this place long enough with a big empty living room and I want it to feel more like a home- my home.

With that, long and short of the current situation is that this project has turned out to be something much different than what I had planned. I’m working on relocating and setting up new shelves and in the next few weeks things should be set up in a way that’s a bit less eccentric and messy. But I love these fish, and so as always- in the way that my brother taught me- these fish have been and will be babied and pampered for the foreseeable future.

But the truth is that I’d rather be fishing. Last year I had all kinds of plans- solar power, I set up Internet that requires no wires- I could set up a solar array and plug in my modem, laptop, and phone and sit outside for my shift- and maybe even fish.. Probably a bad idea, but I could definitely do it. Last year I had even brought my piano up to the Mirror Lake area and did a bit of writing, and it was amazing. I slept in a hammock out in the freezing cold, and loved it- and fished in the morning. I can’t wait for the weather to change. Maybe it’s time to pick a day and just go to the boat ramp area of Utah Lake and just give it a try. I don’t think it’s time to take my boat out yet, and the highway to the lakes in the mountains isn’t open yet- but it’s sure been decent enough weather to fish over the Winter. Maybe..

The shooting range has been fun. I hate the idea of burning money in the same way buying fireworks is a silly idea to me, but it’s always a good time to take an hour and have some range time. I’m not a firearms enthusiast by any means- in fact, I was so inexperienced that I suffered an accident with a gun in July of 2022- but since then I’ve found that I do enjoy target shooting. I don’t own any kind of sporting rifle- or any rifle, for that matter- but perhaps some day. I’ll never hunt, I just don’t believe I could do it. But target shooting, it’s always been a good experience to me after I healed from my injury.

I’m sure there are other things I could be occupying my time with, but I just haven’t found many of them yet. But I’m aware that I need to keep trying because I’m not likely to try ice fishing- and the cold just plain sucks.

And likewise with the website- more to come. There are plans- big plans. Perhaps no storefront, but I am offering fish, eggs, gear, and live foods for sale and re-homing. Please, take some of my stuff.